I hope everyone's new year is off to a good start. We're only 20 days into 2017 but to me it's been a very long 20 days.
Everyone always hope for better with the new year, having high hopes of a less sucky year. Now last year for me wasn't all that bad the last eight months were the best for me. but this year didn't get off to such a great start. It took about 18hrs into the new year for me to realize that things weren't going to be as great as they seemed.
New years eve I spent the night a friends house. It was her, her family, our best friend, my sister and I. Things were going great we were all having fun, we stayed up till 4am and then got back up at 8:30 for break fast. We left her house around noon, our other friend got picked up a few minutes before me and we said our goodbyes, hugged and said we'd see each other Thursday.
Me and my best friends always talked every day, well Alex and I did my other friend is always super busy, but after getting home a feeling of dread settled over me. I tried to shake it but it hovered over me like a dark cloud.
I didn't here from her for the next two days. Tuesday I texted and asked to if she could take a look at something I was working on if she had a chance. her response: 'busy'. that feeling that had been seeping into me for the past two days sunk further into me. She'd never blown me off like that before. By Thursday I was very worried, I didn't know what was wrong, or why she was being silent. Thursday; When she entered the room there was sinking feeling in me again. The tension in the room was electric. I could feel my so called best friend ignoring me. I tried to talk to her but she just snapped at me then went to get coffee. at that moment something broke in side of me.
She spent the rest of the day avoiding me and ignoring me. I didn't know what I did to deserve such betrayal. when I got home that night I fell apart, no longer able to hold my self together. I tried the next day to ask her what I did and that I was sorry, even though I didn't know what for. the day after she responded with some dumb little reason, that she could have just talked to me about, but she chose a course of drastic measures. I never thought something so insignificant could cause so much damage.
We haven't spoken since. I've fought for her, to keep her happy, for so long; I wondered how anyone could just throw away something so special so easily and everything we'd been through together. but at that moment I realized that no true friend could have and all that time was a lie. i'm done fighting for her. if pushing me away is what makes her happy then, I have to let her go and move on.
